I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Probably too much. I left a secure job (for a second time) a few months ago and this has finally created enough headspace to actually sit back and process the last few years.
To understand where I’m at, we have to rewind a bit.
Ever since graduating in 2019, I always said I wanted to do a Master’s. I knew I would return to formal education eventually, but I wanted to work for a bit first - mostly because I wasn’t even sure what subject I wanted to pursue. Then, life got in the way. 2020 brought Covid, and I ended up a bit stuck on a Comms/PR path that I hadn’t fully chosen. Don’t get me wrong, I was good at it, and I loved the storytelling aspect. Marketing and I have a classic love-hate relationship; I try not to engage because I know how powerful it is, but for that exact same reason, you have to engage. Either way, I wanted to get off the train.
So, in 2022, I jumped.
The Illusion of Free Time
My catalyst for jumping was that I was given a small amount of money (£800) to work on a short film, and by that stage, I’d managed to save up enough money to buy myself six months of pure focus. What was interesting, though, was that almost the exact day I quit my job, I started looking for a new one. Even though I didn’t want one, and even though I’d saved money specifically to buy myself time, there was something deeply ingrained in me that craved that lifestyle and strove for security. I’m not even someone who is driven by money - it was just the fear of the lack of it.
Despite my uncertainties, I stuck with it and ended up making the film (a whole other story for another day), though for various reasons, it wasn’t fully completed until 2024. Alongside the film, I was freelancing as a communications advisor for a number of different organisations, including a tech start-up and an arts charity. I loved the freedom, even if money was always a central anxiety, but I also realised something about myself: I am a chronic over worker.
I don’t necessarily think overworking is a bad thing, but it is bad when you don’t fully believe in the project. And while I did believe in these projects, deep down, I always wanted to be pouring that energy into promoting my own things.
I needed to shift my focus - my chronic overworking - back to my own projects and a Master’s seemed like the perfect way to do it. Back on track.
The Fork in the Road
Cut to late 2024. I was finally preparing for my Master’s. I’d been accepted onto a Scriptwriting course at Queen’s University Belfast. I was ready to go home, spend time with my grandparents, get my Irish language skills back on track, and re-immerse myself in the North of Ireland.
Then, a job opportunity popped up.
It was a 15-month contract as the Head of Communications for an established Gaelic organisation on the Isle of Skye. The salary was significant (more than I’d ever been paid), and I felt severely under qualified, but I threw in an application thinking, why not? I had nothing to lose. I was already set up for my Master’s in Belfast and I was ready to hit the ground running. If I got an interview, great experience, but there was no way I’d actually get the job.
Spoiler alert: I got it.
What followed was a week of absolute agony. This is a recurring theme in my life - I create so many opportunities for myself that I become paralysed by choice. Having multiple options actually makes me more anxious than just having one, yet I always strive to keep all doors open.
Ultimately, I decided the Master’s could wait. I’d defer it for a year and start the following term with a healthier bank account and a “Head of” title under my belt. A tiny part of me felt like I was selling my dream to the corporate world, but since that corporate world was in the heart of Gaelic culture, I figured it wasn’t too bad a compromise.
The Road Ahead
That job came to an end in February 2026. As it turned out, I didn’t end up doing the Master’s this past September either (well, I did for about a week but that’s another story), because life changed again.
But looking back at the timeline between quitting my job in 2022 and sitting here now, four years later having quit another job, it’s a strange feeling. Sometimes it feels like so much time has passed and I’ve achieved very little. At the same time, just typing out the past couple of years reminds me that I’ve done some things.
So, I’m trying to live in the motto ‘it’s about the journey, not the destination’ but sometimes that’s difficult when you feel you just keep getting lost along the way.
But I guess for now… I’m just glad I’m not on the train.
Róise
Love this